I'm not sure what the people boosting #MeToo as a way of looking at the world expect the outcome to be. Like, is teaching women to fear men going to make them happier? Is it going to decrease the rate of sexual violence? I know the answer to the first is "no," because stressing people out is antithetical to making them happy.

The second...well, one of the things that is *not* being taught if you're propagandizing fear is how to socialize with others in a way that will result in healthy sexual relationships for anyone involved. I have news for your readers: Men are not defective women, and treating society as if "curing" men's sexual impulses is either healthy or desirable is not going to get you the results you think it is.


I don't know Adam, but I feel pretty bad for him, and for any man who thinks that being "nice" will make him or any woman he interacts with happy. It certainly won't get you laid, and it won't lead a woman to want to be in a relationship with you, or respect you if somehow you do end up in a relationship with her. We're bigger than women and more aggressive than women, and no amount of punitive resocialization will change that. But big and aggressive =! rapists. The conflation of naturally male characteristics with brutality is wrong and does no one any favors.

There are a few social solutions I *do* believe work to reduce rape, though. Not treating men like they're de facto dangerous is one; it's a little like not acting, as a man, like you need to reassure women you're "safe." Safetyist alarmism is the source of the problem that's being discussed, not an epidemic of rape; the goal is to have a high-trust society, and most men don't rape in the first place (because we're not, for the most part, monsters), so instead of focusing on establishing a culture of fear, perhaps dial it back and focus on not engaging in the kind of behavior that *does* attract genuine predators, who again, are few in number.

Femininity is another. Feminine women, believe it or not, do not present as prey. Fearful women and incautious women do. Femininity is in no small part about composure and confidence that the men around you will protect you, and strangely enough, that expectation is more disarming to predators than aggression. Predators are definitionally experienced in the *reality* of sexual violence, and they know that aggression that cannot possibly be backed up, as in the case of a prospective victim significantly smaller and weaker, is a sign of fear or panic as opposed to confidence. The strength of women is in their ability to inspire protectiveness in men, and femininity is the trigger for that.

Expand full comment

A lot of attention has been paid to male psychopathy and narcissistic behavior that manifests as violence or blatant criminality, and supposedly this is something all men should educate themselves about because being men supposedly entails toxic masculinity. I'm guessing the lower enthusiasm among men for discussing these topics stems from (1) being talked *at* instead of talked *to* and (2) the complete absence of any similar discussion about female psychopathy or narcissism, which tends not to manifest through overt violence but which is every bit as harmful as male psychopathy/narcissism, and perhaps even more so, since the men who have experienced female psychopathy/narcissism have their complaints dismissed in ways that never happen when it's females talking about male psychopathy/narcissism.

Incidentally, there is a solution to toxic masculinity; it's not feminism, it's tonic masculinity: https://open.substack.com/pub/luctalks/p/what-is-tonic-masculinity?utm_source=direct&r=sow8t&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Expand full comment

I wonder how much the MeToo movement has contributed to the remarkably high rates of millenials who are unmarried and single. Pew seems to think only about 44% are married, which is crazy low now that they are in their 30's. Judging by the responses here, where most of the men have no idea what women consider acceptable, and the women don't seem to be able to nail it down either, I expect there's a lot to that problem. People tend not to want to engage in activities where punishments are highly random.

I also find myself wondering what, exactly, you expect the men who are not monstrous rapists to do. You suggest they need to do... something... but what is it? What, precisely did you have in mind?

Expand full comment

Men, of course, should act like gentlemen at all times. Are we raising boys to be gentlemen? How does feminism intersect with "traditional" male roles? Do young people view "traditional" male roles as misogynistic? We live in a highly litigious world. How much damage was caused by some elements of the #MeTOO embracing the idea #BeliveWomen. Believe all women?

Expand full comment