Is Pornography Behind America’s Sex Recession?

Young men report disappointing sex lives, but pornography is probably not to blame

We are living through a sex recession. At least, so we are told. Americans are having less sex and this has been described as an unfortunate development.

Not everyone appears equally affected. The March American Perspectives Survey reveals that nearly one in three (32 percent) men under the age of 30 have never had sex. Among young women, only 23 percent report they have never had sex. Young men are also more likely than women to report feeling dissatisfied with their sex lives, indicating that they are not content with the status quo.

There is a range of reasons that informed observers have offered to explain why young people are having less sex, from delayed adulthood, postponing marriage, helicopter parents, and various digital distractions.

Yet, when it comes to young men in particular, pornography is an increasingly popular explanation. The Internet has made pornography more accessible than ever, and use skyrocketed during the pandemic. Today, most Americans report having watched pornography at least some point in their lives. And it’s receiving renewed attention. In a recent speech, Senator Josh Hawley accused men of “withdrawing into the enclave of idleness and pornography and video games.” But while there’s evidence that extensive use of pornography may have serious negative consequences, it does not appear to be the source of rising rates of sexlessness among young men.

First, young men are not even the most avid users of online pornography. The March American Perspectives Survey finds that men in their 30s and 40s are most likely to watch pornographic content—57 percent report having done so in the past month. Young men watch pornography less often–in fact, one in four (25 percent) report never having watched pornography. It’s worth noting that there is no statistically significant relationship between how often men watch pornography and how frequently they have sex. Men who watch a lot of pornography have sex about as frequently as those who avoid it completely.

Rather than pornography, a more compelling theory for the decline in sex among young men might be their waning confidence in dating. No one seems to enjoy dating. But we may have entered a period where confusion and uncertainty have become far more widespread. News stories following the growing ranks of men who have grown frustrated with dating or even given up entirely on the endeavor are becoming more common as men appear uncertain about how to navigate the changing romantic terrain.

The pandemic, as it has done with nearly everything else, has made this situation worse. Dating, which is almost designed to elicit awkward interactions, has moved increasingly online, separating communication from the shared social context that helps us navigate potentially fraught interactions. It’s ironic that so much of dating communication, which requires space, context, and transparency, is being conducted on platforms that are not designed to provide it.

Another problem is how online dating is also changing who we date. One thing that the online dating revolution offered us was opportunities to connect with people who we might never have had the opportunity to meet in real life. In one sense, this is great. More possible dates. But in another way, it complicates matters by placing strangers with few if any shared social experiences, or contacts together, resulting in people having little trust in situations where trust matters the most. To many, it makes dating more difficult, feel more transactional, and ultimately less enjoyable.

Even before the pandemic, online dating had become the de facto method of meeting romantic partners. Nearly half of young adults report having used an online dating app, even though it is far from the preferred method for men or women to meet someone. More Americans are having conversations online, and are unable to pick up on social cues and body language, and other incredibly helpful information. We are now dating through our avatars.

The social landscape is also changing rapidly. A lot of this is good. Conversations about consent were long overdue, even though they should serve more as a starting point than a solution. But there is still a good deal of uncertainty over whether or which traditional dating norms have become outdated or inappropriate. Societal expectations still largely require men to make the first move, even when they may be less certain about the appropriate way to do so.

At the same time, men appear to have fewer social resources to help them navigate the evolving dating terrain. Compared to previous generations, men today have fewer close friends—a preferred method of meeting potential romantic partners. Young men are more likely to live at home and increasingly rely on their parents for emotional support rather than their peers, which may be less helpful in obtaining contemporary information on dating, relationships, and sex.

Overall, young men today have less dating experience and fewer dating opportunities. Given these circumstances, it’s not surprising that some young men are not brimming with self-confidence as they step into the dating pool.

Like anything else, the simplest antidote for a lack of confidence is experience. What’s needed is more dating, not less. We should encourage young men and women to participate in dating activities that can be hosted in the real world. Learning how to date is an incredibly useful life skill, and not one you retire after you get married or have kids.